Problem Two: Being Compared

Your Asian parents might do one of the following:

1. compare your grades/music skills/manners/ you in general to other people's kids
2. complain to you about your grades/music skills/manners/ you in general after finding out there's some kid better than you
3. complain you got a A-/B+ (oh no.... it's the end of the world.... -_-)
4. tell you "when I was your age..." stories about trudging through the snow to go to school to earn that A, ect...

#1 and #2: The first thing to remember is that it is NEVER the other kids' fault. They can't help their parents comparing any more than you can help yours. Don't waste time being insulted, jealous or petty. You're all "the kids"; band together. Give them a taste of their own medicine. Compare parents. Find out things that other kids parents do better than your parents. That way, you have something to counter with the next time your parents complain to you.

Ex:

Dad: "well, [insert kid's name] got straight A's last semester; why didn't you?"

You: "well, [insert kid's Dad's name] made $100,000 last year; why didn't you?"

Your dad may not be happy afterwards, but at least he'll stop talking.

#3 and #4 can be dealt with along the same lines. Chances are, your parents didn't get perfect grades growing up either. Use your resources. There's a reason people have aunts/uncles/grandparents. Ask them about your parents' childhoods. Adults love to gossip, so most of them will be happy to tell you about the strange things your parents did as a kid. If you're smart enough, you might even be able to get your parents into telling you themselves, maybe through casual questions during dinner. Most of the "when I was your age stories" are lies, as you'll soon find out. When the unwanted subject does come up, remind your parents of their childhood mistakes and kindly remind them that like it or not, it's their blood that runs through your veins. Your intelligence is a genetic reflection of theirs. If they don't like how smart you are, maybe they should look at themselves first.

Good luck,

Puff 0f Fluff

Problem One: Gifting

If your parents are Asian, they may do one or more of the following:

1. reject gifts from family friends on your behalf
2. accept the gift from the friend, then take it from you after the friend leaves and returns it
3. returns/re-gifting gifts your friends gave you
4. tries to re-gift something you gave them

#1 is most common among courteous and/or stingy Asian parents. The former is because our culture believes it's impolite to casually take things from other people. The latter is because the stingy Asian parent (or SAP) doesn't want to be forced to give a gift to said friend next time you see them. Either way, there's an easy counter to #1: intercept your parents and thank the giver for the gift, perhaps suggest that next time you meet, you would love to hang out with their kid/ bring them a gift. (There's a chance that the gift was stolen from their kid if they have one; if it is, the other kid will thank you for returning it upon your next meeting) Most likely, these friends won't remember your promise, but even if they do, socializing a little doesn't hurt anyone, and will make you seem like the charming kid.

#2 this is common when you have SAPs and the gift is food, especially chocolate. Your SAP may try to convince you that the chocolate if for the family to share, or just outright steal the box. If you don't want your food stolen, exit quickly and quietly when your parents are saying goodbye to the guests and hide the gift. Remember, people can't steal things they can't find.

#3 is the worst. Normally it happens when a school friend or boyfriend/girlfriend of yours gives you a present (books, jewelry, watches, ect). When you get home, your Asian parent finds it, then tries to take it from you in order to either return it for the money or give it to the kid of one of their friends. If your parents are SAPs, you will never see the present or money again once you hand over the receipt... so: do NOT let them get the receipt. Better yet, do not take receipts home. If your one of those kids who can't lie, destroy the receipt before you go home.

As for re-gifting, there's really only one way to counter this: open every present you get as soon as you get it. If it's a book, write your name in it in pen. If it's jewelry or a watch, wear it. Do not take home the box or packaging! I have received several gifts from my parents' friends that look like they were stolen from their kids. I gave back the ones I knew for sure stolen. Always ask.

#4 is hurtful, but easily avoidable. Once I bought a bottle of Vera Wang perfume for my godsister. Her mother, my godmother, is a nice lady. Her father is the Asian version of Mr. Scrooge. He asked for the receipt as soon as he saw me about to hand her the box. When I told him I lost it, he told her "not to open it just yet" because it's "impolite to open a gift in front of the giver". (Do not believe that line!) When something like this happens, the best thing to do is open the present for the child recipient. While he or she may not have the courage to do so, you "accidentally" ripping the box will cause the good to be un-returnable and un-regiftable. Look out for other Asian kids. Help each other. It's only way to get past your Asian parents' scrutin.

Puff of Fluff's Guide to Dealing with Asian Parents

Do you have Asian parents? Do they cause you grief that kids of other race don't get from their parents? It's okay, many of us do. We've been there. We've all gotten yelled at for our A-'s. We've all been compared to all the other Asian kids. Some of us have even sat through bad karaoke sessions when our parents have friends over. Don't worry, we feel your pain. That's why this blog exists. We at Puff of Fluff feel that the modern Asian kid needs a break. As Asian young adults who remember what it was like to have Asian parents as kids, we've gathered and written down a set of methods that guided us through our youth. Remember, your parents are mostly right, not completely right.

What this blog is:

• a guide for Asian kids to circumvent their parents' bad habits
• a chance to undo unreasonable tradition

What this blog isn't:

• promoting violence or disobedience towards your parents when they're looking out for your future
• promoting unreasonable behavior

It is important to respect your Asian parents. It is also important to make sure you are not being oppressed. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Best wishes,

Puff of Fluff

PS: For the sake of brevity and easy communication, we will write every entry in 1st person